i don't know what i want in life. and i'm scared. there's nothing im fiercely passionate about, nothing i'm willing to give my life up for, with neither any gifts nor talents, no big dreams. nothing. at eighteen, im really eighty and  i have absolutely nothing to look forward to. wtf man.

today i learnt that you can hear your heart beat especially clearly when your ears are plugged. and somehow, that ends up being even more distracting than a million people talking all at once.

oh and happy twentieth, ass, go back to your own room already.

how dare you, you fat ignorant lesbian butch, with neither IQ nor EQ to speak of, tell us how we should be and act in the face of failure. who do you think you are, sittting there, passing idle judgements and coming to your own witless, senseless conclusion that the reason for our failure was our lack of mental fortitude. of course, there are always going to be inevitable moments of self-doubt, but that's exactly what a team is for right; to be there at the frontline cheering you on, rooting for you and making up for any misplaced courage.
you know what lumsiewchin, you are wrong, so very wrong. each and everyone of us went up there that day, gave our 110, and fought. some of us weren't exactly in our top elements, and we're probably not as comfortable with a million pair of eyes looking on as some other attention whores on the other side of the table are, but what truly mattered was that we wanted it, and we fought to win. yes, they may have responded better to the pressure, they may have fought AND won. but these things happen, you don't just win just because you prayed to your god, whining and begging and pleading with him at 6 in the morning, on the day of your finals. wake up, grow up. we're no longer five, we dont get everything we wish for. we weren't defeated by ourselves, or you for that matter, you who made us out to be so inadequate, incompetent...worthless. so you go ahead and fuck your lesbian self alright, i hope it burns when you get infected with some new homosexual STD.

10 years and an ugly piece of metal that doesn't even sparkle.
but we had so much fun and that, unlike the championship title, can never be taken away from us.
with all the gaiety i can muster, HCTT<3.


 

my life's ambition is to own all of tiffany's engagement rings, which means i have to receive 40 proposals by this lifetime. or just one guy rich enough to buy all 40 rings.

ugh what am i thinking of right now. semis tmr. one huge step forward towards the double champ which should have been ours last year. ok i should stop being cocky,i'm actually pretty scared about tmr's match. please, dont let me pee in my pants tmr.

could not, would not tell you.

all we know is distance.
we're close and then we run.

there's way too much life going on around me these days. so much that its beginnning to suffocate. And anytime now, im going to burst at the seams and crumble away, leaving an insignificant crumpled mess.


yes that is how small life's making me feel now.

happy birthday chaiping and fellywellyjellybelly. hope you guys had fun last night!

forever young is playing on the radio now...nice.

ok i MUST start mugging after watching friends.

this year is the ultimate test of my worth as a person.i will turn into a reclusive  druggie, shrivel up and die if i dont do well.




striving towards a brighter future of fame,wealth and sweet sweet decadence.

the columbarium holds so much more than the ashes and memories of the departed. they hold the inconsolable grief of lovers and families, and their fierce belief that the dead never really leaves. its heartwrenching to see people hanging on so tightly to those that they've loved and lost.

there's alot happening around me recently, and a certain part of me feels that i shouldn't be a part of this....life.

but i think i'll just go along with everything. anyway, i'm already sick and dying.

and my only wish is to have the songs i've requested to be played at my wake, with my friends feeling all emotional and messed up. but they laughed at my taste in music instead.

i haven't decided if there's more sadness or more warmth to this song, but i like it. Despite how uncomfortable it gets when the melody seeps into my heart like this, leaving it dripping, leaking...aching, i still like it. this must be the world's best song.


If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.